he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
