I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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