Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
