you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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