Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
