Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
