she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
