I should be sponsored by Trojan
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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