Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize