I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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