Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
