I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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