idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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