but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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