I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Farmville is her only friend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
