And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize