dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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