the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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