So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize