bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
