well I can't set my house on fire every night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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