and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
