How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
