So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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