No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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