How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
