i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had sex on a dog bed..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize