Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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