cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
