Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
