my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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