Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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