you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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