goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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