I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
