im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He? As in you personified your dick?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
