I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
