I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
