I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
