Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
