3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
