I didn't shave. On purpose
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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