thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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