I got chris browned last night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize