That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
