guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
