Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
