So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize