Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
