PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
