Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
