Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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