So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
