So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize