She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
