Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
