Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
