whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize