therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
