Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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