Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
