saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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