Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
