even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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