cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
