Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
