I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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